Star Invaders Darth Vader Toy featured in Star Wars – Revenge of the Shit.
After the defeat of the Empire by the rebels in a distant galaxy, quite some time ago, Darth Vader’s body was laid to rest. The Empire was defeated and we presume Jar-Jar was killed as well.
However, the time lords witnessed Vader’s demise and decided that his powers were too valuable to loose. The lords of time decided the best avenue was to step back in time, only briefly and capture Vader’s soul just as he died. Clearly the time lords could have gone further back in the past and capture the physical form of Vader before he died, but they knew they couldn’t control him at his full power.
The time lords attempted to revive Vader into a new corporeal form but without his memory. The reasons for this are unclear, but in his new form, Vader got a part-time job as a policeman
Unfortunately he was killed in the line of duty when he tried to break up an argument over Pokémon cards at a kid’s party. There was blood and balloons everywhere…
The Time lords learned from their mistake and reformatted Vader, but this time with a more docile personality. Vader 3.0 was perfect in every way, strong, obedient and without fear. After a failed music career, Vader managed to get his way on tour with DeadMaus.
They toured for months, but unfortunately an Angry Pig killed him. The Pig dive-bombed into VaderMaus and knocked him into an amp. The amp got wet after Vader wet himself in fear and electrocuted him to death. The electricity however fused Vader and the Angry Pig together into an unholy abomination – Vader Pig!
Just as Vader Pig blinked into existence he began to remember who he was and what his mission was. His true self was emerging and the hold of the Time Lords was slipping. Unfortunately a truck on its way to McDonalds and not paying attention then hit him.
Now free from the Time Lords, but without a physical form – the Ghost of Vader was free to travel between the ethereal and physical realms. His rebirth however was not without side effects. Although he began to remember who he was, the power that further fused his body and soul with his robotic components corrupted his mind and has now left him as a dangerous vegetable.
The fusing was also imperfect, as his build quality clearly shows, but it did give him the power to fire lasers from his eyes and fist. The 20-minute sound effect that accompanies it was a nice side effect as well.
Vader, with his new freedom and powers shook his fist at the face of God and then began on his journey for power and revenge.
Vader travelled through the galaxy for eons looking for a way to return to his realm and destroy the rebel alliance and eventually he found an ally in the wicked Skeletor!
Skeletor’s henchman, Evil-Lyn, cast her magic upon Vader and infused him with unholy power. In return for this power , Vader had one task to accomplish…
… destroy the horrendous threat of the stay-puft marshmallow man.
After defeating the marshmallow fiend, and fulfilling the deal with Skeletor, Vader was ambushed on his way to Snake Mountain and stabbed by his own sword by the mighty He-Man. The Time Lords realized what fools they have been and refused to reformat Vader again. They then returned Vader back to his realm moments before he was killed so he could die, as the universe had originally demanded.
“So what do you think?” I asked the courtroom.
The judge looked at me and said “That is the most ridiculous pile of rubbish I have ever heard. This movie idea of yours not only offends me as a representative of the law, but as a film watcher as well. What you have presented here does not in any way provide a legitimate reason to have been found lurking in the bushes of Mr. Lucas’s home. You are hereby sentenced to 30 days in prison and may I yet again remind you of the restraining order Mr. Lucas has against you.”
“But I have an idea where C-3P0 is sexually seduced by a terminator from the future and gives birth to R2D2 in the past!” I protested, but by then I was being dragged through the halls on my way to a 30-day vacation from work.
Verdict: If you’re a Huge Star Wars fan and feel like wasting a dollar, go ahead, but otherwise this is a highly un-poseable and cheaply built pile of ass. Do not buy.
What do you think? As a hard core Star Wars collector, is this toy of interest to you or would it taint your collection? Leave a comment and let the nerd army know!